I don't like to stand out in a crowd

I cant remember the last time I stood out in a crowd. I think if I stood out in a crowd I would wish I could disappear by way of quick sand that magically appeared under my feel. I am a wall flower not a showman.

My idea of a perfect rainy afternoon

My perfect rainy afternoon is me in a rain coat and pants racing through the mud on an ATV on a dirt track. Sure I could stay inside but, staying inside on a rainy day makes me blue. Someday that might change but, for now that's the way it is.

Then after I am done racing through the mud I can hop in a nice hot shower and feel refreshed and clean and tired. After that I would have a greatest american hero marathon on my television. What a great day

What I wanted to be when I was ten years old

When I was 10 years old I wanted to be a automotive mechanic. I thought being about to work on cars was so cool. Being able to take a car that does not work and make it work again.

I don't know what I am now. I hope to become something. If I don't become anything I am sure no one will notice except me.

In Good Faith

I can't recall a time I considered my faith/religion/spirituality or lack there of and I hope that time never comes because knowing myself they way I do I would get obsessed on thinking about it for the next year and a half and probably not let myself forget it. Sometimes I annoy myself so much.

I feel out of place in the year 2013

I can't remember a time that I have not felt out of place. I feel out of place right now using a computer in the year 2013. I always wonder if the internet has improved my life and sometime I wish I were back in the year 1985 with a big screen television watching back to the future on VHS or laser Disc. I feel out of place living in the computer age where it seems like everyone has cell phones and tablet computers.

I look on the old days with rose colored glasses. Sure there are great medical advances and other great things that I would not want to live without but, sometimes I wish I went back to the 1980's and could start my life all over again yet, do it better with all the information I know now of what I think I should have done then. But, you can't go back to the past at least not yet. Or maybe never.

Adventures of Bud, page 12

Its hard to remember what I wrote about in my last adventures of bud post. I take a look at my last post and try to make it or a smooth transition. I suppose i need not worry about it because who reads my blog anyway. I don't think the two or three people who might read it once in awhile will be upset if anything does not match up from post to post so I won't worry about it.

So I tell my driver who's name shall remain nameless to push it and turn down an alley so we can evade the sirens. So we go into the alley but, the truck is still following us. We run over trash cans and scratch the limo. My auto detail-er will love me for this. The truck follows us through the alley. And onto the next street. Then I catch a glimpse of some wring on the side of the van which I thought was a truck.

It says computer city ice cream truck. I tell my driver to hit the brakes. I throw my head in my hands and start to cry. I should have know then that my relationship with Traci was doomed. Why did I not see the signals.

"I can not believe that that I got scared of an ice cream truck that was not driven by a clown with big shoes and a one of those big clown noses" I screamed to my driver. And he agreed that yes, I was a fool but, not if the clown like that where driving. He agreed with me that a clown driving an ice cream truck would be scary.

When I got to my model room I said to myself Bud you are a fool. How could I cause that much damage to my car over nothing a silly ice cream truck. I turned on the television and just zoned out. I was in a haze of self recrimination. I went over and over my mistakes that led to my big mistake for the rest of the night. I was so upset that I had to take a Valium.

Its one of the things I always said to myself Bud LongInteger this is what I dislike about myself every time you make a mistake or think you have been rude to someone like getting in someones way you just upset yourself for days on end. And I knew that no one would remember that I had been scared by a silly ice cream truck except my driver and the right amount of cash or a case of cookies would keep him quiet.

Unfortunately in a fit of anger at myself the whole world would not forget since I had posted cell phone photo's of the chase on the computer city net and everyone know that what is posted on the net stays around forever and ever until everyone knows. So now I had made two mistakes instead of one. Way to go Bud I told myself. You always make things worse and now my mood was getting worse and worse and I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. I could not wait for daylight to come. Yes, it could not show itself fast enough.

Who I would want to be Time's person of the year

Who ever invented Tang. That wonderful powered drink that was made for the
astronaut's. Sure I know it was invented a long time ago. But, it was one of my favorite drinks as a child. Though I am sad to say that I have not drunk any Tang in a long time.

The reason it should be considered is because I think it made my childhood better and also probably a lot of other peoples and if that is not Time person of the year material I don't know what is.

A more confident me is what I want

The biggest risk I could take is to be more confident in myself. Its a big risk because I don't think I make good decisions. See why I need more confidence. I figure I will completely mess up my life if the decision making were left to me. Though thinking about it now who is making the decisions about my life. No one I suppose.

What would make me take the leap to being a person of more confidence. I think setting goals and completing them. I hope someday out in the world there will be a more confident me.

The story of why I write( The short version )

I started my writing to become a famous blogger. That's not why I write now though.

Say if I were a famous blogger I would have to spend a lot of time on the internet reading comments, and email. And I am sure they would not always be pleasant.

Then there is the time it would take to meticulously craft every post and promote my blog. When I prefer to write a post fast and post it even faster. And I don't like reading blogs so it would be unbearable to promote my blog on other blogs.

And then there is the problem of having something to say. I don't have a thing to say. I mean no one will ever say about my blog. Gosh I learned so much from reading his posts now my life is so much better thanks to him. Or gee I leaned so much about( put your favorite subject here ) on his blog. No, no, no. My writing is read today and forgotten tomorrow. Its disposable.

Now I write because its fun to write. Sometimes it makes me feel better. A release. And it makes me feel like I am doing something even though I am saying nothing in my writing. That is all.

I am jealous of my perfect self

I will write a letter to my perfect self. The man who has enough money to do what he wants and does only what he wants to do.

I am so jealous of you my perfect self. You are so decisive and know what you want. And you get everything you want. You don't worry about what everyone wants you to do but, only what you want to do.

You know you are not perfect but, you handle it perfectly. You still have anxiety and you know you are OK. You know you make mistakes and are fine with that and I obsess about my mistakes or perceived mistakes. I am so jealous. I hope I can be like you someday.

I cut my fingernails over the weekend!!

I think I clipped my fingernails over the weekend. So the headline would go like this. Local man clips his fingernails. And then there would be lots of color pictures of me clipping my nails and proper nail clipping technique.

I don't like it when my fingernails get long because dirt gets stuck in the though I am sure I could get the dirt out with enough effort but, I think it would take to much time.

Plus short fingernails make me feel like a man. Maybe its wrong to think that but, its the way I feel. Though it does not bother me if other men have long fingernails. Though I don't often look at how long other men's fingernails are so a lot of men could have long fingernails and I would never know. So maybe I am an abnormal male because I have short fingernails for all I know.

I don't watch the news.

I don't read new much so I have no idea what topics are in the news. I will come up with my own issue. I used to watch the news and get real passionate about what was in the news. Now I am older and it does not seem so important to me anymore so I don't watch it.

Adventures of bud, page 11

So they left the beach and since Traci thought the date went so well she asked Bud out on another date. Bud was not sure but, since he always told himself that he was worthless and could not expect to find a decent woman and he should take the first woman that showed any interest he readily agreed to her request.

Traci waved goodbye as she got out the limo at the front door of her house. Now it was time for Bud to go home and verbally show disdain for himself because he had accepted a date from a woman he disliked. Now I will let Bud take over the telling of the story.

So I get home to my big mansion you know because I am so rich but, I do feel worthless inside. I threw myself on my couch in front of my big screen television and turned on a romantic comedy and just lay there and cried myself to sleep. Oh, the dreams were horrible. The all involved a monster who was chasing me so he could eat me. The monster as I shall call him/her was green with great big teeth and about twenty legs and bad breath. He looked like a polar bear except yeah the green fur and I don't know if polar bears have bad breath because I have never seen a polar bear up close.

But, then I realize that I no longer live in the house because I had sold it when I hear the door open and footsteps coming. "I should not have taken off without my limo driver I think" too late. So this woman see's me in her house and screams at the top of her longs and runs back in the kitchen to get a baseball bat to I presume hit me over the head with. And it was a big baseball bat and she had a weak swing so I ran off the couch and out the door and hoped into my limo and sped off.

"Wow that was a close one" I said to no one in particular. I smiled when I thought wow, that was a close one. Then I frown when I think that she might have recognized who I was and now I was sure I was in trouble even though it was an honest mistake. I don't think the cops of the computer city police would by that though. Oh, well all I could do was go back to my low rent motel room and wait for the inevitable. Or maybe she would not call the cops and I would be fine. Either way the next twenty-four hours would be a nail biter and not in a television show way. This was my life I am talking about and not some fictional show. Ok, so its a fictional blog post. And not a very good one if I do say so myself but, so.

The streets are dark with only the street lamps providing light over head. The were no cars on the road to speak of. And all the lights in the houses were out to. Then I heard the sirens and to my horror they were flashing there rear window of my limo.

If you cant be proud of yourself who can you be proud of?

Forget tell someone else how proud I am of them. When was the last time I told myself how proud I am of myself.

Why am I so proud of myself. Hmm. I have made it through life and I am still alive. I am the most honest person I know; that could be because I don't know many people. I try hard; even if I don't succeed at much. I try not to hurt anyone's feeling even if I am to snobby to talk to them. I try to be environmentally conscious; even though I don't like going outside :). Those are just a few of the reasons I am proud of myself.

The Normal

Being normal to me means being like everyone else or I should say being like you think everyone else is and doing what other people do.

I know I want to be normal but, I don't think its good. what if everyone is doing something mean or illegal. Then if I do what they do its not a good thing. I think its better to be different and not go along with the crowd. Do the right thing when no everyone is not doing the right thing.

Drawing a blank

I don't talk much so I can't remember when the last time I waked away from a discussion or even had a discussion with someone. So I have to start talking to people more. I hope I will.

Adventures of Bud, page 10

Yes, now its my turn finally. I thought you would never ask" she said. "I love to talk about myself. I know it doesn't seem like it." "Oh, it seems like it" Bud said. So I came to computer city in my twelfth year of life. I was originally from BitCity.

My parents were having a hard time and were seriously considering a divorce. Life was so busy and stressful and my mom all she did was work and we never had any family time. So the move you could say was a last ditch effort to save their marriage.

Initially I did not want to move because all my friends were in BitCity and I thought I would never make new friends in computer city. "I will be on the phone all the time talking and never get outside" I thought. No one will ever like me in computer city. "Yea that has pretty much proven to be the case but, I am OK, with it. I have my cell phone and I can video chat with my friends on it. And I go to bitCity once a month for a slumber party.

I am dealing with not having any friends in computer city pretty well emotionally though. Sometimes I get down about it sometimes but, I have you as a friend now I think. I hope we like each other for ever and ever. "Do I seem to desperate" She said.

"No not at all" Bud said. Even though he was thinking why yes that does make you seem desperate Gina. What a guy bud it never wanting to hurt anyone feelings. What a guy indeed.

"What else can I say about myself" Gina said. I like playing the air guitar. Because I wanted to play a real guitar and found out I could not play a single cord. I play in competitions all around computer city ever weekend. I will have to show you my chops sometime. "How about tomorrow." She said. "Why not bud said even though he was regretting it just as he said it. I also like going to a book store and reading the front covers of books. Yea, reading the actual book would take a long time because they look like they contain a lot of words. Reading its not for me she said.

"Anything else" Bud said. Yes, as a matter of fact there is. I like annoying people. There is nothing like that feeling when I get under somebody's skin and really annoy them. Its the words greatest sports. I am trying to get it in to the computer city summer games. We hope to get enough petitions by the next games. It should have been a red flag for Bud to get away when she said she liked annoying people but, he just could not heart here feeling and he thought she can't be all bad. He was so like wrong.

Unfortunately Bud could not see what was awaiting him and I don't know if he would have done the write thing if he did. I hope to think he would have but, one never knows about these things.

State of my year address

I am still alive which is a good thing. My year has been a lot different than I thought it would be. Which is to say that it has gone much better than I thought it would. I completed my first computer programming which I wanted to do this year, I get outside a lot more, I don't enter many sweepstakes anymore. I hope to start entering a lot of sweepstakes soon. So for me this year has been full of excitement. I hope it just gets better. Also I am on my computer less which I think is a good thing.

I hope no one is reading my blog

Anyone who wants to enjoy life. My blog at best is a time waster. Not something that will teach anyone anything or make your life better. I think it might make your life worse actually. I don't have any polls to back that up thought so I could be wrong but, probably not.

Why I don't want them to read my blog is because I don't want to waste people's time reading my blog. I would feel guilty and I don't like to feel guilty. I am not good at feeling guilty. So all you people out there of which there are probably two or three who read my blog don't waste your time reading my blog. Unless you want to.

My life without the internet

Not very exciting unfortunately. But, my life before the internet was not that great. So without the internet I would read more books, watch more T.,V. , probably I would not listen to the radio. Not much different. Sometimes I get upset thinking about all the time I have wasted on the internet and it makes me upset. But, with tv and radio which I used to watch and listen to a lot; mostly sports. And I never learned anything. They were a complete waste of my time and I never enjoyed them.

If the internet disappeared tomorrow I know I will live. Maybe my life would be even better. But, I think as long as I try to do things on the internet where I can learn things I want to. Then the internet is OK for me.

Adventures of Bud, page 9

I don't know where bud went. I think he might have somehow I don't know locked himself in the basement or I could have locked him in the basement. I don't know. Its me your trusty narrator back telling you the story.

So Bud said "Wow, Traci I cant get to the beach fast enough to get away from you. I should not have said that out loud how rude of me I am sorry Traci. "What were you talking about Bud" Traci said. "Nothing" sweetie Bud said. Bud thought to himself gee wiz I dodged a horrible mistake I hope I don't make another one in this date.

"So Bud tell me more about yourself I just love to here about you and your life. I think you are so interesting Bud". "I don't like to talk about myself Jessica. I know people think I am shy but, its just the reticence to talk about myself and bore anyone or hog the conversation and turn it to myself. I don't like all the attention and I don't think I am that interesting but, I could talk about myself for you as that is what you have intimated that you want me to talk about and its more interesting than talking about your life." Bud said.

I should not have said that Bud thought to himself. Hope she did not hear it. She didn't so I will just talk on. "See I was born in computer city to I don't remember the name of my parents. I was real big into to computers when I was younger. Other people went to parties and I went home and installed a compiler on my computer and read the documentation to a computer programming language for hours of fun. I have friends though the only why I ever saw them was on my computer. I never talked to anyone because I was so insecure.

I thought the only thing I was good at was using a computer and I was not good with people. I thought everyone was judging me when I talked to people when I would talk to them. I always thought everyone thought I looked stupid. I was so self conscious. I felt the fool socially. I thought no one would ever like me or want to know me or find me interesting. Oh, how I was wrong. Maybe people like the fact that I don't talk about myself or don't talk much."

"I got average grades in school because I was always working on my computer. Its what I thought I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I thought I could not live without my computer. I did not go an hour without thinking about it.

Then one day I looked at my life and said to myself what is all the programming and book reading for if I have no friends or feel miserable. I felt stupid But, I did not have any friends so who would notice if I were stupid anyway and did I care if I were stupid. I wanted to impress people with my knowledge but, I never talked to anyone so why did I care what they thought of me.

So with that in mind I cut out some computer time and started to talk to people like you Traci. And now here I am on my first date at whatever years old. That is just an outline of my life Traci now tell me about yourself miss lady.

A poem about me

A boy was born
Born in the 20th century
century of wood stock, summer of love, disco music
during a year
exciting to see someone new
fact that is
great at nothing
hoped he would be great a something
inspired to become great
just like everyone else
kind he thinks
lost in the world not knowing what to do
maybe he will programming computers for a hobby or write a blog
not sure yet, but, getting older
opportunity knocks
probably to late
quite unsure
right he may be
starting his life
trying to do things
unknowing the outcome
vastly more sure of himself
wait and see
xtreme loneliness
you and me
zero room for error I cant wait to see what the young man(me) will be.

I will never write about the weather

I will never write about my problems. Or wait I think I do write about my problems. I will never write about the weather because I know nothing about meteorology. Low pressure, high pressure I don't know what those terms mean. I don't know about it so I will never write about it.

If I could go back to school I would learn math

I would go for a masters degree in mathematics. I think it would be fascinating to learn more math than I know. I was not good at math in school so it would be fun to see if I actually tried if I would be any better at math than I used to be. Who knows I might be good at math for all I know.