The only thing I like about Valentines day are the candy hearts that appear every years around that day. I am not a person who is into romance or buying things I am a person who is into candy.
Forget about having one day February 14 to celebrate your special some one. Why not treat that person special every day of the year.
Beautiful Malay Woman from Malaysia
I don't think I have ever said a difficult goodbye. But, I do have a difficult goodbye that I wanted to say. The was a woman who lived in the same area that I do. I heard that she was moving and immediately I felt the urge to go to her house and say goodbye and I will miss you.
I knew that she was interested in me and I was interested in her though I did not show it I ignored her. I never said more than one word to her thought there were many times I wished that I wanted to say hi how are you doing. But, I as I said never had a conversation with her.
So I did not say goodbye like I wanted to that upset me. I was excited for the rest of the day thinking about what a great new life she will have where ever she move.
Then later that same day i the evening it hit me that I would probably never see her again. And that's when I started crying. I would think about her and then get all choked up and cry. It was not that bad. It felt good to be so upset about a woman who I liked and cry because I would miss. her. I have never cried over a woman like that before. I thought she was wonderful.
I don't know if we would have liked each other because I never talked to her but, it was nice seeing her while I did. Sometimes I think of her. I imagine meeting her at a store somewhere and asking her how she is doing and her telling me about her great life. I am sure she is done great where ever she is and that makes me happy.
Which was a shopping trip. Shopping is a wonderful I use when I get to happy. You see shopping makes me miserable. Fist off all I have issues with money.
I was raised to save save save but, that makes me happy and I always everyday try to be more miserable. So I go out on periodic spending sprees. Which make me miserable. Second I have trouble with carrying all the stuff I buy. To take care of this second problem I bring along a little red wagon on all my shopping trips. Sure I get funny looks but, I won't get a backache from carrying all the bags of clothing and electronics I don't need. I draw the line at physical misery.My Third and final issue is that I like to keep a tidy house but, the more I buy the more misery I feel. And I don't like to be miserable in my home and I don't like to sell all my things. Yes, I do have limits on misery.
So with all those problems in mind. I went on a shopping trip to wild city mall in wild city, where else. Wild city is a place I have visited a few times for some of my lectures. It was the opposite of its name it was a quiet town. But, that did not keep the town from cashing in on its name. Saying in comericals "come to wild city and go home next week after you have had the most fun of your life. That was a gross exaggeration.
The wild city mall has been open since 1999 and is the largest mall in the world. Its the largest circular building in the world. It had the shops positioned from A; animals to Z, zipper. the inside was modern and made completely of stainless steel. It was a feat of modern architecture.
I liked to take a weekend in the fall to shop at the mall since it contained so many things. I got a lot of weird looks from my friends when I told them I would spend whole weekends shopping at the wild city mall but, I did not care what they thought.
Fist up I needed some terrible looking curtains for my living room. So I went to the Ice Cream shop which contrary to its name actually sold curtains. Me and curtains I could spend hours looking for the worst most hideous ones that I could find. I had trouble telling which pair of curtains were the worst so I would pester my fellow customers asking the "Do you think there curtains look worst than these curtains in my Left hand". The were always so nice and gave me their opinion which helped a lot. In rare cases when there was no way I could decide between 2 or more set of curtains I would buy them all and try each on on the window of choice and ask Tank which one he thought was better and if I did not like his opinion I would listen to my own opinion ans when I did not like my opinion I would flip a coin or pick a curtain randomly. And use those curtains in my house and sell the ones I did not like or take them back to the store; I would tear them, and tell the clerk that the curtains were defective and I wanted my money back. Now I am not to the next store
That was also that bud had one of his best birthday parities ever. For a big surprise for his 6th birthday his parents arranged for bud to go bungee jumping. It was set up so he would go bungee jumping before the party. Everyone of the party guests would be at the computer city bridge to cheer bud on as he made this historic jump.
The magical day arrived sunny and cloudless. The party guests were brought by charter bus to the computer city bridge to witness Buds jump. Bud looked adorable in his superman outfit and harness. The red and blue of the superman outfit and green of the bungee harness looked sharp. Bud showed no signs of being nervous as he stepped toward the edge of the bridge and jumped off to the cheers of the crowd. He reached the end of the bungee and stated to bounce and bounce while screaming with glee yay, yay, this is so fun.
The bungee jump lasted for only 4 minutes but, Bud would remember it for the rest of his life. The freedom of having no ground under him. The bouncing up and down it was a blast.
Bud was raised to the bridges road surface to wild cheers of Bud, Bud, Bud, Bud. He raised his hands in victory and screamed Yay.Now it was time for cake so everyone jumped into the charter bus and rode back to buds house were a spread worthy of a king was prepared for the guests. There was fried chicken, Roast turkey, Jello, ice cream, sugar cookies, vegetables, rice cakes and the centerpiece a giant birthday cake in the shape of a star desktop computer. It was chocolate with strawberry frosting. It was delicious.
The was no way any present was going to top the bungee jumping experience so buds parents said in place of presents to give the money that would have been spent on them to be given to charity. Bud was now 6 years old.
That same year bud became of fan of skateboarding and watched every documentary he could on the sport. He even bought his own skate board though his parents would not allow him to ride it as they considered it to dangerous. "But, mom" Bud said. "But, what" Harriet said. "I want to learn how to ride my skateboard and I promise I will not get hurt I will be careful." "sorry Bud, I will not allow you to ride it until you are 18 years old and out on your own. The you can do what you want with your life, Ok. So stop bothering me and go watch television." "Ok, mom bud said." So bud went back to watching documentaries.
Even at such a young age Bud wanted to get the most out of life and not waste his time on things did not matter to him. So while other kids were out playing in the school yard he was inside reading books on his favorite subjects, such as skate boarding, or nanotechnology which he someday hoped to further with his programming skill thought at this point he did not know how he could make a contribution to nanotechnology but, he had plenty of years to find out how he could contribute.
I don't think I will go back to school. I would like to go back to school though. I read about a man in Michigan who had gone to college part-time or full-time for the last 50 years. That is the most exciting thing I have read about a person accomplishing. Before I read that story I never thought that anyone would spend that amount of time or get that many degrees. To spent that much of you life attending college and leaning new things sound so fun.
I have never attended a film festival. I think it would be fun to attend the Ed Wood Film Festival. My favorite feature of an Ed wood film is that they are bad and look cheap. Why watch million dollar films when I can watch films made on the cheap. I am sure I would enjoy attending that film festival.
I got up to my hotel room and you know what happened I forgot what the gadding of mars wanted me to lecture the about so I decided to think of a topic I wanted to talk about and write my speech/lecture on that. So I decided to lecture on how to make your plants downright miserable.
That was a subject I was well skilled in since a house plant never made it out alive. The longest a house plant lived in my house was 3 days. I suppose the felt my misery and that was it for them the no longer had the will to live.
After preparing my speech I ran down stars to the ball room where I would be presenting my lecture. Good evening ladies I hope you are all doing well. I will now present my lecture. The proper way to make your plants miserable and why. Firs you must create the wrong I mean right environment. No sunlight for the plants if the get sunlight they will be happy or depress because they can not go outside. So spare them the happiness and install blinds. Next you need to yell and scream at your plants for any indiscretion such as wanting to be watered or reaching their leaves for the minuscule sunlight you have allowed them. They must never be allowed to be happy under any circumstances.
A happy plant is a plant that you will have forever a miserable plant you will have for a week. With tat spectacular speech I was given a round of applause as I should have been. I know was on my game that day. Wow, when I am good I am good. Next it was question time,
A woman named Ettie asked if I had ever grown house plants?
Yes Ettie I have grown houseplants, next question
Tonya asked "Do you like plants"? I don't like anything. Next question.
squeak asked Do you own any animals? "No I don't own any animals if I owned an animal I might become a happy person because I like animals. I also have a rule that I don't want to own that could make me happy and so that is why I don't own animals. Next question.
Do you have any hobbies? "No I don't have any hobbies except making Tank Swans life miserable. I question everything he does which makes him miserable. I put him down which makes him miserable. I yell at him which makes him miserable. I suppose I do have a hobby. No, wait I don't. I only have time for one more question so make it a good question.
Wilma asked if I had ever been to a mountain resort? No, I had not been to a mountain resort. Though someday I hope to go because getting out in nature makes me miserable.
Well, thanks for inviting me to lecture you and good luck to you all in making your plants miserable. Now I was off to my next destination.
"Order, order" Cordeiia Books said. "Now class its time to get your textbooks now make a single file line in front of the talk over there with the books on it and quickly grab a copy of each book.
The students obeyed and in short order the students had their textbooks and were at their desks already covering them with textbook covers. Cordelia did not have to tell the students to cover their textbooks and she was proud of that. As soon as the students had finished Mrs. Cordelia had a surprise for the students. Instead of getting down to school work she was going to take them on a mini field trip to the elementary school greenhouse.
Instead of sitting in a stuffy classroom all day she would teach her students the three R's under the trees in the green house. Bud was delighted about this sine he always felt more a live around plants than in the classroom.
The green house was a huge building on the school lot. It contained lots of tropical and semi tropical plants such as Figs, ferns, palm trees, agave, cactus, and more plants than I have time to name. I was a tropical paradise in the middle of a desert waste land that was computer city. The greenhouse was staffed by volunteers who helped take care of the plants; watering them and inspecting them for disease. Bud was amazed at the sheer number of plants in the green house. His favorite plans were the ferns they looked so tropical and made him dream about being in a remote island somewhere in the Atlantic. It was truly a treasure that greenhouse for the citizens and students of computer city.
The day was one of the best school days bud ever experienced. He head the birds while listening to Cordelia talk about her plans for the year ahead. The second grade had the same classes as before except they were harder naturally building on what the students learned last year to build up their skills. But, also revisiting last years lessons too so the students would not forget what they had learned. What a great day for bud. He came home smiling and ready to tell his family about the day.
The 2nd grade was the years Bud started his fist video game development company call Buds games. Bud was the sole employee of the company. He started the company to sell a game he had created called Rocket Baseball. The game was a moderate sell and spurred bud on to keep the company going and even expand it, build on it and make it better in the future.
lucy and ricky have a spat....
A day away from the internet sitting on the couch in front of a big screen television watching my favorite movies. I would not like to watch T.V. all day. I would fist find a nice sunny place with lots of pretty flowers to look at and put a lawn chair there and spend the morning until lunch looking at the flowers, listening to the birds, and taking pictures from my chair.
After a lunch of fried chicken, french fries, and chocolate cake an vanilla ice cream let the movies begin. While watching the movies I would have 2 boxes of store bought cupcakes and a box of store bought sugar cookies to munch on.
The fist move I would watch is Toy Story, since that movie puts me in a good mood. then onto Point Break, I thought Patrick swayze was great as the bank robber surfer. Apollo 13, because I space movies, Foxy Brown, I am a pam Grier fan, Air America, Martin downey Jr. was great as an airplane pilot, Top Gun, Smokey and the Bandit, And the rest of the day would be taken up by and I Love Lucy and Bewitched Marathon, two fun television shows
Wedding dress of toilet paper - SCA
I have never felt like an adult. I say to myself you are and adult but, it does not work I still fill like a kid. When I was a little kid I thought there would be a time when a light would go on and I would know everything and become an adult. I hope I never lose the feeling of being a kid. Who wants to be an adult anyway, adults are so serious. Being an adult is for married people.
Since I am on this plane and there is nothing interesting happing. I want to talk about a part of my personality that I am not happy about. I may appear clam in person but, when I write email I use mostly capital letters and lots of exclamation points.
Its not something I am proud of or like to talk about in public which is why I am mentioning it in this book to keep it private. I don't know why I yell in email maybe I think that using capital letters because they are read instead of said by me over the phone don't hurt the other person as much. Its just that sometimes I get to miserable that I need to yell at some one to make them heart as much as I do to make them as miserable as I am even thought I enjoy being miserable sometimes there is to much misery.
Its also amusing to me to think of the other person crying in pain as they read my email. I picture them crying and hunching over sobbing repeating over and over Why did Yvette Swans have to use yell at me in this email. What did I do to deserve this mistreatment. Sometimes I am a mean gal.
Whew I am glad to get that off my chest. I suppose is not the worst thing to do; shout in emails. Moving on. The next stop on my docket is the Womens gardening club of Mars which means that I have to get on another plane that can fly into outer space and take me to mars. Not a problems sine the gardening club has agreed to pay me a lot of money to lecture about how to be happy being miserable. Evidently there are a lot of women gardeners on mars who are miserable on mars and they don't like being miserable. Weird. Anyway I have never been to mars so I will bring a camera and take lots of pictures. The should be breath taking. I will arrive on mars in a day or two right now I want to get some sleep because I have been awake for nearly 5 hours and I am exhausted.
One the shuttle to mars its a lot quieter than I thought it would be. I thought the shuttle would have a lot of nose considering the huge engines but, no way I could her a pin drop if it were not for all the passengers talking and joking and laughing. I am glad the gardening club is paying for my ticket because a ride on this thing costs a fortune. I am cheap person.
I am not at the mars in a reasonably priced hotel located on mars. I asked the desk clerk if they had a swimming pool and I was surprised to learn that yes indeed like the brochure said they do have a swimming pool. I rushed up to my room to prepare my speech.
Bud was raring to go when that first day of second grade came around. He wore his favorite outfit. Overalls with red shoes and conductor cap. Yet he wore his train outfit. Harriet said to change into something else otherwise he would be ridiculed be the 7 year olds. Bud would not be dissuaded he wanted to wear what he wanted to wear and he would hear no different.
Harriet, Bud and Harriet 3 all hopped into the planet rocket for the short ride to school. Bud talked about how he hoped to improve his grades and Harriet 3 talked about how she was so excited to start kindergarten. The arrived at Buds elementary school and since Harriet had to take her daughter to kindergarten she could not stay to meet buds teacher Mrs. Brooks.
Cordelia Books always knew she wanted to be a teacher since her early years. So she worked hard in school. A computer city native she graduated college the same year Bud was born. That same year she divorced her high school sweetheart over her devotion to her job. She would spend all her time on her lesson plans leaving little time for anything else. She also volunteered to tutor any of her students who needed help with school work. And that took even more time away from her husband until one day after 6 months of marriage he could not take it anymore and asked for a divorce. She consented saying that if he could not accept her career and how much time she spent working to get a head she was better off alone.
Cordelia decided after she got the divorce to spend the rest of her life concentrated on her work and skip a romantic life since teaching is what she wanted to do most in the word. And being a great teacher was her goal. So she was lonely she could while away the evenings playing video games on the internet. It was not that bad really.
But walked right up to Cordelia and introduced himself as Bud LongInterger. She said "Its good to meet you Bud LongInterger where is your mother so I can meet her." "She had to take my sister to Kindergarten" Bud said. "Well you tell her I said hi" Cordelia said. "Now take your seat But, its almost time for roll call. As the other children came in Bud spotted Samantha Willis and waved and she waved back.
Bud had not seen Samantha since the end of the last school years since right after school ended her family went on vacation to Europe for the summer. He was glad to see her. Ok, class now quiet down" Cordelia said.
The digital cameras are what I enjoy most. I like the fact that I can take hundreds, thousands, even hundreds of thousands of pictures and store them on a memory card and view then instantaneously without having to spend a fortune or waiting 24 hours or a week to get my photo's developed.
My pictures are not any better though my pocket book sure is in better shape.
Just another Tequila Sunset...
I don't have anything special planed for the summer. So the only think I am looking forward to is living and enjoying the warm weather, and enjoying all the pretty sunsets.
The was a screech of the taxi cab wheel as Daniel Thornton quickly applied the brakes. My genius cab driver had suddenly hit the brakes yes, indeed. Apparently for what I could make out over his shouting as he ran from the cab is that he had spotted a candy store and since he was running low on milk duds he decided to stop and replenish his supply and he would be right back
I was panicked. I thought we had suddenly stopped for something serious. Say a car swerving into our lane, Daniel Thornton seeing a celebrity, a 50 percent off sale at a department store. No he stopped for none of those things. Candy could he not have purchased that some other times say after he had dropped me off at the airport but, no he had to get his candy right now.
He returned to the taxi with a paper bag full of boxes of milk duds. He offered me a box but, I declined saying I don't eat candy any more because it brings me happiness and I like to be miserable, he said suit yourself and hopped into the drivers seat of the cab.
The conversation on the last leg of this now long journey consisted of Daniel Thornton's opinions on fashion. He believed that the greatest fashions came from the 1970's and specifically the pant suit. I could tell since he was wearing a power blue pantsuit. He thought he looked good and could not resist whistling at passing woman and asking the for a date. This was so disgusting to me.
For the last mile he was on his cell phone talking to his girlfriend as far a I could discern. Telling her he loved her and that she was the woman that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. I would have liked to rip that cell phone from his ear and tell her that he was asking out every woman he could. This man was not only a bad dresser he was a womanizer.
Finally we arrived at the airport.And after he unloaded my bags he had the nerve to ask me out even after I told him about my husband. He said "I would tell him if you go out with me unless you want me to." I said no and left with my bags in a huff. I hope I never see Daniel Thornton again. I ran for my gate and showed the security my pass and was ushered through the long security line and out onto the tarmac. I raced to the plane and quickly climbed up the steps and into the jet. Oh, wow was I glad to be getting on this plane and away from that awful cab driver.
I am no fan of flying but, me Yvette swans likes to get places quick so I would rather fly than take a plane or drive a car or walk. So I fly. Its not that bad. Unlike most people I do enjoy airplane food, its one of the few things I enjoy, please don't tell anyone it could ruin my career. Ops, I just told everyone I already did, so if you want to tell someone say your dog or cat the Yvette Swans likes airplane food feel free.
Another memorable even when Bud was 5 years old was when his family went to the computer city antique computer museum. The museum was one of the foremost computer museums in the world with every computer represented from the 1930's vacuum tube computers to the latest and greatest star computers.
Bud's favorite computers at the museum were the vacuum tube computers. He was amazed at the size and the difficulty of programming one. They were huge and used huge amounts of energy. He wondered what it would have been like to be a programmer and program one when it took hours to create as simple program. The longIntegers spent hours looking at all the computers and were amazed. It was a great day.
The antique computer museum was started by a man named Rick Times. Rick graduated from computer city university with a degree in computer science. Out of college he got a job as a computer programmer. After working as a programmer for 1 year he decided that he did not like the long hours spent sitting at his computer and he did not think he was making the kind of impact on the world he wanted to. He looked at his interests and decided he want to repair computer hardware. So he started his own company from the money he made from working as a programmer. It was called Ricks computer hardware repair.
It was a modest success allowing him to after 20 years retire and follow his passion of collecting. He started small at first then he when he decided to open an antique computer museum things picked up and he toured the country looking for every piece of old and new computer hardware he could find. Then in 1990 he finally realized his dream of a computer museum when he opened the computer city antique computer museum. From the day it was open it was a hit. With it broad range of computer hardware. What a city treasure.
The school year wound up on a clear sunny day in may. Bud was glad he made it thought his first years of school. He had a B's in every class which displeased him. He thought he was an A student and decided to dedicate himself to his school work when he reached the 2nd grade. So with that goal in mind while other kids were at the beach or partying with fiends Bud stayed inside reading or researching on the internet. He would also spend 2 hours a day programming.
Programming was a passion for Bud even at this early age. He sometimes detested his computer but, those times were rare. He dreamed of changing the world with his programming skill but, for now all he could make were simple computer games. Someday someday he always repeated to himself I will change the world with a truly great computer program. I will now describe a typical day of that summer for bud
A female from the planet Oberon who had a dream of piloting a space ship in the Oberon space command but, could not because of her one quirk she did not like people to be nice to her. If someone was nice to her she would explode in a fit of rage.
She grew up in a tiny village on the planet Oberon. He parents were high officials in the Oberon space command. So from a young age she felt pressure to join the command just as her parents had done.
Her name was 143b as inhabitants were not called by names but, by numbers and a letter. 143b was the 143 person born after the the new Oberon lord was born. she was high strong and aggressive from the moment she was born. He mother always tell the story how she slapped the nurse right after she was born because the nurse was trying to comb her hair. It should be noted that the people of Oberon are born develop so fast that a minute after they are born the read 3/4 of their adult size.
143b was brought home after she was born to meet her sister whom she adored instantly. Sadly the never got a chance to know each other well as 143b's sister was killed in a star ship battle with Oberon's enemy the quark. The death of her sister left her feeling alone in life and made her tendency to get angry when someone was nice to her even worse.
She had sold grades at Oberon academy. The school that went from k-12. After graduation she decided her destiny was planed out for her she but, it was her dream also. She would join Oberon space command, she passed all the tests find but, her quirk made her not qualify for the Oberon space command. Which greatly saddened her but, she lived on.
The people of Oberon are shape shifter's who can change into any thing they want to but, normally the stay in the form of humans which is the law really. Lest they commit crimes while in some other form.
Since video games are big business and I am a big fan of sports video games so I think a fun show to watch would be about the making of the madden NFL video games. It would be a reality show and follow the making of the game from design to coding, testing. I would be all aspects of the making of that video game really.
The show would have 22 episodes per season and talk about the design choices made, the programming languages used, the testing techniques involved, the lives of the people who make the game, the history of video games making, computer hardware, just anything related to madden NFL and video games. Now this is a show I want to watch.
Let me get away from answering this question for a moment to, no wait this question leads me to my concern. Mrs. Swans why do you think its so important to live an overall miserable live?
Well anonymous I believe that only a small group of people are happy in life and that the rest would be better of instead of trying to shoot for the goal of bing happy need to shoot for the goal of being miserable. In other words happiness is reserved for the 1 percent who can actually be happy. The rest are better of being miserable. I am trying to get people to realize that there is nothing wrong with living a miserable life. In fact there are great things about a miserable life. For one you don't waste your life worrying that you are not happy enough. Next question
What is your favorite color and why?
Well this question is off topic, What is wrong with you me university students. I will answer it anyway. Green is my favorite color. It symbolizes money to me. And money makes me miserable. Tank and I fight about it all the time. He likes to spend because it makes him happy, though all the debts he runs up make me miserable that would be ok except for the fact that I do enjoy saving money. Yes, I do think it is ok and advisable to enjoy somethings thought only in moderation. As one does not want to go overboard
Do you Dye your hair?
What is wrong with you Me university ladies this is completely off topic. And no I do not dye my hair it is naturally green. I am the world's only roistered green haired person according to The world records almanac which you can get free is you purchase my book within the next 30 minutes.
Mrs. Swans what is your favorite movie?
This will be the last question I answer as I have to get going. Any thing by the wolds worst film maker Daniel Thornton. He has written and directed some of the worst films in the history of films. That is all. Thank you ladies for being such a great audience and my you all find that special someone who makes you miserable.
Whit that parting message to the Me university women I rushed for the door and headed straight to the idling limo in parking lot. This was a different limo than the one that delivered me to the auditorium. As the other line was having mechanical troubles. The was also a new limo driver. And believe it or not it was Daniel Thornton the worst film maker in the history of films. I asked him for his autograph and he cheerfully replied sure I will sign your autograph book. He was flattered when I told him that I was a great fan of his films. "They make me miserable" I said. "I am sorry to hear that my films make you miserable" he said. I like being miserable, Daniel, may I call you Daniel. He said no and that we were not on that familiar of terms.
We sped along the freeway as he recalled his failure of a film career. From the way Daniel Thornton was talking I could see why he made so many bad films. This guy had no clue. He said the common people were not ready to appreciate my brilliance. This from a man who thought that having a man sit at a table and eat pastrami sandwiches and drink beer would be a good movie he was clearly full of himself and a megalomaniac. He said yes you mentioned the man eating the pastrami sandwiches that movie was call Watch a Man eat. It always surprised me that I could not get funding for that movie. So I had to finance it myself. And the people were not ready for my brilliance as usual as the box office for that movie clearly showed as it was a failure.
This guy made me laugh with all his silly beliefs. He actually thought that Star Trek was real and not a television and said as soon as he could find out where starfleet was located he wanted to enlist. So he could help fight the ferengi. What a dope. No wonder why this guys career in film failed. He was clueless. He keep going on and on about starfleet. I suppose it never occurred to him to ask if star trek were real then who come I am driving a car or where is all that advanced technology. Clueless.
If this guy got his own reality show called Daniel Thornton's taxi I am sure it would be a hit on some 24 hour comedy channel. He would make people laugh hard and not even know why because he thought he was making perfect sense. I could see him now. So sir, do you know where starfleet is located he would say to one of his passengers. And his passenger would giggle and choke on his double mocha latte and choke out the word no. We if you find it could you tell me because I want to fight no the side of the good guys. Ok, his passenger would say, while at the same time secretly wishing that he could get away from the cap and the moron driver really fast.
Oh, yeah this guy was at his best when he made his movies. I started to mention the possibility of a reality show called Daniel Thornton taxi when suddenlyZelda Thomas still a programmer. She unlike bob thought that computers, programming and the internet were a huge boon to society. She and bob had many heated discussions about their opinion on the computer and society.
Zelda had brown hair, brown eyes, she stood 6 feet tall, and had dark olive skin. She was beautiful as well as being a talented base player. She had done some modeling in her earlier days. She was 35 years old.
Zelda had had a few serious romantic relationships but, had decided to give up on relationships after her last boyfriend, fiancé left her saying he could not marry her. She was glad he left since they had a stormy on again off again relationship. She had trouble with relationship anyway. Released from the pressures of finding that special someone she was happier than ever.
Amy Files in addition to being Cynthia Files Niece was a programmer. She too believed like Zelda that the internet was a force for good and a great contribution to society, to the world really. She knew though that the internet was not for everyone. She was the opposite of Zelda in love. She had been married to the love of her life for over 3 years now. Sure she had to go through many bad relationships to find the right man but, find him she did.
After 6 months of practicing and writing songs in bob's garage the MotherBoards were ready to go out on the road and play some gigs. They played high schools and weddings for 2 years before they recorded their first and only studio album to date called MotherBoard.
MotherBoard was a hit. It sold in the Billions and still sells great in 1997 which is why the group has not made another album yet. The album had songs named: compiler I adore you, Flow chart you are my muse, Javascripts for the web, Transistor you complete me, Personal computer you rock, Don't know nothin about micro code, You like assembly I like C, Dear C++ your slow compile time makes me think, Computer are you a blessing or a curse, Aint seen daylight in 9 hours since I have been coding all day, Sometime I want to throw you the room - computer, Can't find a bug in my code and I just want to explode, Searching my hard drive for missin code, Someday I want to marry my computer, PC you are my best friend, What would my computer say if it could talk, Robots are the future, If I had a penny for every time I typed the word no I would be a millionaire, Power to the Personal Computer, Sometimes I don't understand your error messages, Technology is a bore, Why did I ever decide to become a programmer.
With tracks like those it was a sure hit. The album was recorded in bob's garage over a 2 year period and released on July 4, 1992 the year bud was born. It released on 4 vinyl records. The record company wanted the band to go on the road to promote the record but, they said no "We won't promote the record, what we will do is sell it at our concerts" they said. And sure enough the band did not need to promote the album as word of mouth spread the album sales picked up more and more momentum.
Bud first heard the Album motherBoard when he was 2 years old at a swim part at his next door neighbors birthday party. He simply adored the music when he heard it. He could not wait to get home and coerce his parents into buying the album so he could listen to it all the time, day night, day, night, night and day. Until he had memorized the songs by hard and could recite them without have to read the liner sheet. He persisted and his parents bought him the album for Christmas one year. And he did listen to the album over and over and he did memorize the lyrics.
So there is the story of why bud wanted the MotherBoards album played at his 5th birthday party.
The party ended late and everyone went home happy, ready for the surprises of next years birthday party.
It has just been brought to my attention that you students were asked to write questions on flash cards and put them in a box, I said. So without further interruption from myself I will now attempt to answer your questions without giggling. A yes, This question is from a student named anonymous and she write Mrs. Swoons how to you stay miserable in a marriage, I mean it takes more to make you miserable than um it takes more to make a marriage work than have a someone who makes you miserable. Does it not?.
My name is Mrs. Swans so it says on my business cards and letterhead. No, it does not take more to make a marriage work than to make each other miserable. Next question.
Where did you meet your husband?
I can't remember I try to block it out. No, seriously we met at my house. I hear a loud racket and realized it was someone was trying to steal my car in my driveway. So instead of being sensible and calling the police I ran outside and found tank trying to break the drivers side window so he could open the car door and hot wire the car and drive it away.
I said hey there what do you think you are doing. He; I will give him credit for this was honest, I am trying to steal your car. I held a boom handle to his back pretending it was a weapon and said stop right now or I will call the police and he said go ahead. And I said wait a minute if you go out with me I will not call the cops and he said why would you do that. I said because I need a date and who better to go out with than someone I can't trust. He reluctantly agreed and it has been misery ever since. Thats one story of how we met I have other where he was working the drive through at a fast food restaurant
And the next question is. What lead you to get into lecturing about misery?
Well one day I was extremely happy and decided I need a career change so I decided to make a list of jobs I wanted to try. And to make it interesting I would think of jobs that I wanted to do that I had no qualifications for. So I thought doctor, lawyer, chef, but, none of those things interested me so I thought some more and realized what I need to do was right in front of me all the time. I have been miserable all my life that was one thing. Then I would always get questions from friends about how they could be miserable like me. Let me give you and example
Yvette you are always so miserable and I am always so happy. Every time I see you there is a miserable expression on your face. How can I be more like you. And I would tell them my secrets to a truly miserable life.
So I thought why give out that advice for free why not charge money I thought then I can be rich and make no mistake I wanted to be rich. I had read an article in some paper saying that rich people are some of the most unhappy people in the world so it was then that I decided that I need more money and lecturing about misery was how I was going to get it. So I needed to start a business.
So how was I to start a business without knowing about business. I'll tell you how in my new book which you can pick up at any online store. Its called How to start a business by Yvette swans an woman who knows nothing about business. Next question.
And this next question is asked by a woman named anonymous. Hmm anonymous must be a popular fist name at me university
It was a birthday party to remember. Everyone was in there best clothes. His parents had balloons made that said Happy 5th birthday bud. There balloons were, orange, yellow, blue, red, grey. They were gorgeous.
The them for thee party was trains. Bud had recently watched a documentary on steam engines and became enamored with anything that ran using a steam engine. Steamboats, steam engine trains, steam tractors. When bud got interested in something there was no half was it was all or nothing.
He wore a pair of grey overalls, red handkerchief and red shoes for his birthday party outfit. He was adorable if a little eccentric. But, that's Bud for you and kid with now concept of moderation. "Bud don't you think wearing that train outfit is a little weird" Said Harriet. "What? No way" Bud Said. Ok, whatever" said. "Its your reputation Bud so wear what you want but, I still think its weird". SO bud walked around in his so-called weird outfit for the rest of the day.
Now the birthday cake that was something special, a work of art. It was shaped to look like a steam train. It was perfect in every detail. Down to the cars and caboose. The cake looked so good but, was shaking as he cut into the cake. It tasted as good as it looked. It was a pound cake with chocolate chip frosting died black so the train would look more realistic. It was a cake to remember
The best gift he received was an antique train set given to him by his father. It was of course a steam train with 10 cars and a caboose. It rain on a rather large track which went around the whole living room. It had fake smoke come out of the exhaust pipe. What a treasure
One fun game at the party was a huge piñata shaped in the form of a, you guessed it steam locomotive. All the kids took turns hitting it with a plastic baseball bat. The kids were asked to organize into a single file line. When it was each child's turn to hit the piñata he/she would be blindfolded and spun around until dizzy. And with the plastic bad in had would swing away for 1 minute trying to break open the piñata as much as he/she could. Great fun was had by everyone. It took several trips through the line but, it finally game way and candy was released all over the ground. The parents gather up the candy and put it in bags for the children to take home. Also whole bags of candy were given to the children to take home. The kids adored the candy. Even Bud who was not one to eat candy enjoyed the candy.
The birthday party lasted late into the night since there was no school the next day. Bud's parents had hired a Disk Jockey to MC the party. All the top tunes of the day were played including buds favorite. It was called: Program as you are by The MotherBoards. The MotherBoards were a computer city native band, playing alternative rock. The members were Bob Bus on Guitar and lead vocals, Zelda Thomas on bass, Amy Files on Drums. They had had several top 100 hits and were still going strong after almost a decade on the road. Bob bus was a disgruntled who because tired of what he saw as greed and worthless programming in his chosen field of works so he decided to start the motherBoards without knowing how to sing or play a musical instrument. Yet he was so disgusted with being a computer programmer because he thought as I wrote that the company's he worked for wore more interested in filling their pocket books rather than adding real value to anyone lives.So one day bob put an add in the computer city world looking musicians who could complete his band. At the auditions a month later Zelda and Amy were the only 2 people to show up. He thought to himself why not hire them so he did and it worked out great. They were both solid musicians who could play alternative rock
I speak only one language. English. I sure am interested in learning another language. I think it would be fun to learn several other languages.
I think I read this in a biography about Armand Hammer about a guy who new several languages and would to be someone else; you know from a different county or something like that. I think he was a secret agent.
So using the different languages I leaned how to speak I would pretend to be a french foreign exchange student, or south american oil tycoon. What about Russian Royalty. A German book publisher.
Oh, it sounds so fun. How fun it would be to see if I can fool people into believing I am from a different country than I am actually from. Making them believe that I am some that I am not. I will get right to work learning a new language.
I trust my diary with my biggest secrets. Since diary's can't talk it can never betray me unless someone finds it an reads everything. Trusting a person with my biggest secrets would be problematic for me.
What if the relationship went sour and they became angry and told everyone my secrets. What if they were never my friend in the first place and while I am thinking that they are my friend that person would blab all my secrets to everyone. I could never be sure that my secrets were safe with another person.
Tanks mother was a miserable little woman. She yelled and screamed and had to have the house perfectly clean so she would vacuum every day. And god forbid I would ever sit on a couch without a plastic cover so I would not get he could dirty. I would purposely walk into the house with muddy shoes just to hear her scream which always made me upset so I felt miserable. Sure it was great that she cleaned the house but, did not need to. One thing I detested about her was that she made me cook the meals.
So you see, me Yvette swans does not like to cook so to get back at the mean old lady I would cook the same meal every night since she had me do the grocery shopping also. And the never of the woman making me pay for all the groceries. Well I got back at her as I said above by cooking the same thing every night, Potatoes and beans, and toast. Oh, sure I had to eat the stuff also but, so what if it made her miserable and me miserable we were both miserable. So it was that same meal for breakfast lunch and diner day in and day out for a whole year until I got enough money together for us to move out of that miserable house and move into another miserable house.
So one secret to land a mate that will make you miserable is to make sure that he/she has no job and no future earnings potential. So that he/she is dependant on you and that causes you to stress making you miserable.
Another secret is to find someone who does not agree with you about anything so that you argue constantly. Lot of yelling and screaming so that you have never have a moments piece. That is the type of man I have found in Tank. I will give you and example. On one occasion we decided to go out to dinner. At least we agreed on that. He wanted fast food, and I wanted fast food. There we agreed also but, the stickler was he wanted hamburgers I wanted pizza; which I consider fast food. We argued and the he started throwing things and screaming and then he started to cry. Yelling "I don't want pizza Yvette". I said to him pull yourself together. But he could not and he threw himself on the couch and kept crying for 3 hours until I relented and said we could have fast food. By this time I was miserable with hunger and to my dismay all the hamburger places were closed for the night so instead of eating we both went to bed hungry. And last but not least for and unhappy marriage you need to find someone who puts you down.
No man has ever made me feel worse about myself than tank has that is whats so special about him. That first time he belittled me well that was when I knew that we were meant for each other. He has laughed at me and put me down many times after that first put down and every time I am more miserable than before. I make it worse by thinking about his insults over and over again in my mind. Thinking about what I would have said to Tank; how I would have stood up for myself getting angrier and angrier by the second. Eventually working myself into a rage and storing it up until someday when I will explode at Tank and tell him to stop being so me but, I could never say that to him. I have one more thing to say: Tank I adore you for making my life so miserable. Thank you for marrying my. Now I want to open the discussion to questions. Now you Ladies you can ask me about anything you want to as long as its a question you want to as me. If you you think of a question and don't want to ask me that question don't ask that question instead as I mentioned ask me a question that you do want to ask. Ok, now who wants to go first. Yes, you in the corner over there what is your question
Bud and Harriet 3 rain into the water and slashed up and down while Sid and Harriet sat on the beach towels under the umbrella. Sid broke the exciting news that he was going to surf again today. "My darling I am going to surf today" said Sid. "No, you must not its to dangerous" said Harriet. "You worry to much my pet", "I will be fine". So with that Sid went to a surf shop and purchased a surfboard.
He ran to the shore and jumped into the water and headed out in to the middle of the lake. The life guard had turned the wave machine one and the waves were hight today. He hopped on the surf board and immediately fell of and was swamped by a wave. But, he was not detoured and he swam out to the waves again and this time he succeeded with riding the wave into shore. It was not pretty but, it was a start.
For the rest of the day Sid was content to watch his children build sand castles, he even help build one. Gathering water and sand. The day remained breezy and sunny. As he drove home Sid felt exile rated and ready for the next time he went to the beach to surf. Bud for was was excited that his father was surfing again and he could not wait to learn how to surf. The whole family slept soundly that evening.
The next month was a blur for Bud with school and homework and extracurricular activities. One thing he did remember was his first programming contest. He a 2 friends from computer city elementary decided to enter a computer game programming contest. It was for fist grades and specifically all the first graders who wanted to enter the contest. There was a local, and national competition.
The contest was started by Cynthia Files to find the next great programmers. And what better way than to have a competition and have the team member design computer games. It was called Sky's the Limit and sponsored by star computer company. It was a major success. That first year it started off slow only 20 kids entered for all the levels but, soon it was more than a thousand.
It worked like this. The were several categories for age levels. There as the 5-10, 11, 15, 15-20, 20+. The winners of each category went on to the national level. But, the winners of each category also were pitted against each other. There were five judges. The competitors had 3 months to write their games in, the competitors could use any programming language. It was great fun.
For their entry bud and his friend decided to make a football game. It was called field football and was played in a field with no lines and no rules except that a hit had to be hard. There were eleven men/women to a side and there were the same positions as regular football. Running back, quarterback, ect. The decided to write the video game in DISCO and it took them 2 month to design the game and one month of coding and designing the graphics. It was a fun to play as it sounded. Bud played it for hours looking for bugs and places where the game play could be improved. They had many bugs but, they got the game finished and ready for the competition.
The judges were video games gurus. Each game was played by each judge and beaten and ranked on certain important criteria. Bud and his fiends game did not come close to winning. 11th place if you want to know but, bud did not care it was the experience that mattered to him. He would surely be competing again next year. The was not much else out of the ordinary that happened in Bud's 5th year. Except that he did have a great birthday party. After all he was a first grader now and the party had to be great and so it was. Everyone who mattered in computer city was invited to the prestigious party of the social season.
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My dream job would be welding. I took art art welding in school but, my welds were not good. I was so bad at welding I had to use brazing instead of weld my art together. I only tried acetylene welding but, I always wanted to try arc welding.
Arc welding looks so cool. How you strike the electrode on the metal and the welding starts. Back in school there is probably now way I could have welded anything with an arc welder either. The welding helmets look cool also.
I might still be a terrible welder but, I want to give it another shot and work as hard as I can and see what happens and if it does not work out the I know I give it everything I had to become a welder and failed and that would be fine with me.
I have no I idea wanted me to lecture on How To Find a Mate Who will make you Miserable to a bunch of college age women but, I don't care why the wanted me to lecture. The gig payed well and that is all i wanted to know.
The night before the lecture I prepared my lecture. I am always very through, Yep. I needed to get myself in the right frame of mind for the morning so I decided to spend 5 hours on my computer surfing the internet which always makes me miserable and guarantees that my night of sleep will be restless and I will have a bad day in the morning. And as I expected I awoke tired an miserable; I barely got any sleep.
I arrived at the lecture hall at 7:30 for a 8:30 because I like to get to lectures last so I arrived early. The lecture hall was packet of my miserable lecture. I don't like to speak to large crowds so this was perfect. I was miserable.
Hello Ladies my name is Yvette swans and I am here to lecture you on how to find a significant other who will make you miserable for the rest of you life. I am an expert in finding a miserable mate. After all I have been married to Tank Swans a man who makes me absolutely miserable. The first quality I think is important in finding that wrong someone is that when you first lay eyes on them that person makes you miserable. Most people look for someone who make them happy well I say they are wrong. You also need to look for someone who criticizes everything you do. Again most people look for people who accept them and try to help make them better. You also need to look for someone who constantly argues with you about everything. Someone who you don't agree with on any subject.
Now I will give you my personal story. When I met my husband Tank I saw him and thought wow, I have never been so miserable around another person in my life. So when he asked me out I said not but, he persisted. At that time I was into happiness and had not discovered the joys of being miserable. Eventually he pestered me so much I just gave into his requests for a date and as expected the date was horrible, he took me to a cheap restaurant with bad food and got into an argument with the waiter. I never wanted to see tank again. But, since I was getting older and did not have may suitors. Any suitors I liked. But, I did have strong feeling about tank. Sure they were negative feeling but, they were feeling nonetheless and I figured when he proposed its either marry him or live alone and I would have hated to live alone. I also hatted seeing Tank but, I wanted to get married so on September 21, 1985 we were married in a ceremony bu the justice of the peace. I was in a traditional wedding dress but, Tank the wonderful man that his is arrived in his P.J.'s and a cowboy hat. He was also drunk. This all made me very angry not the ideal way to start a marriage I know but, by this time I had decided to be miserable for the rest of my life. It was the best decision of my life to become miserable. I would not be miserable because I wanted to be happy and I was not I was miserable by choice and that is a great thing. It sound weird to hear that but, so what.
We went to a restaurant for are Honeymoon. Yes, you heard that right a restaurant. Tank Swans is the cheapest man I know which makes me dislike him a lot. The restaurant was a one star restaurant was a one star restaurant. The food was horrible. Yes, my married life was off to a rocky start and it would only get worse from then on. But, I knew we would be together until the day we died which hopefully for me would not be long until I died. But, that was 20 years ago and I am still alive. After the honeymoon since Tank has never had a job we moved into his parents house. Wow, that was a miserable place to live let me tell you, and now I will tell you in minute detail.
Yes, it was a terrible feeling. Sid remembered the day he and his dad drove to the beach for Bid's surfing practice. It was a foggy day with patches of sun. About 80 degrees out. Sam had had some chest pains earlier that day and wanted to go to the doctor but, decided to wait until after he took Sid to surfing practice. Sam pulled into a parking spot at the beach and immediately grabbed his chest and collapsed onto the steering wheel.
Sid panicked and ran to the nearest pay phone to call an ambulance. Luckily he had a dime for the phone. He called 911 and shortly after the Computer city EMT's arrived. They strapped him to a gurney and put him in the back of the ambulance. Sid decided to stay for surfing practice. Figuring that Sam would be ok. Bud, before he went to surfing practice he called his mother and told her what had happened. She said she would go met the ambulance at the hospital. She was concerned but, tired not to let her voice betray her.
The moment Sid finished practice he rushed to the car and drove to the hospital. He was glad to discover his father laying in a hospital bed. He was told that Sam had a minor heart attack and would stay at the hospital overnight for observation. During the night Sam had another heart attack, this time a major heart attack and died suddenly. Helga was by his side when he died and she was so distraught she had the hospital call her house and tell Sid to come to the hospital because Sam had died.
Sid took the news hard. He blamed himself if he had not had to go to surfing practice Sam would be alive or so he thought. Later when he went to the hospital that Sam had know he was on borrowed time. Earlier that year 1973 Sam had had chest pain and went to the doctor and was told that he had cancer and not only that but, an aggressive type. He only had months to live. He and Helga decided to tell know one of the diagnosis. Sam had spent his last few months drawing up a will and making funeral arrangements. He wanted to be buried in the family crypt in computer city's graveyard. He picked out a cheap casket because he thought why waste the money on something no one will see. He wanted a modest funeral with music and food. He would have the funeral at he mortuary instead of the church since Sam was not a religious man.
His fathers death was the first death that Sid had had of someone close to him. He did not show it on the outside but, on the inside he was torn up. For months he was in a deep depression. The death of his father had shaken all his certainty in his world. But, eventually he recovered and even started surfing again.
So that's what Sid was thinking about as he pulled is car into the parking spot. He felt a momentary twinge of sadness about that event so many years ago but, he remembered that no matter where he was he always had happy memories of his father and that would never be taken away from him.
The longIntegers exited the car and Sid got all the towels and beach umbrella out of the Planet and headed with his family into out onto the warm sand. He loved the sound of the ocean, no matter what was going on in his life he love the sound of the waves on the artificial lake. A day on the beach was better then a day inside any day a far as side was concerned. In fact the who family enjoyed going to the beach which is why they went to the beach. Sid set up the umbrella and beach towels and now the fun of watching the watching the water would begin. Sid had a surprise for his family he had decided to take up surfing again after giving it up 10 years ago after he had no time to pursue his hobby. Family and job pressures took up all his time. So he reluctantly gave up one of his most beloved hobbies
The university I was to secure at was called Me University. Since I am in my provided lime and the school is a fair distance away I have plenty of time to tell you the story of the university.
It was started in 1930 by a woman named Laura Me. She was a teacher who was frustrated by the lack of higher eduction opportunities for women. So she decided to take matters into her own hands and with her life savings she bought a plot of land in warren ville.
The land had a large building the was used as a hospital up until the early 1920's.But had been abandoned but, was in reasonably good condition. The purchase of the land having drained the majority of her savings she looked for volunteers to help her fix up the building. Even one in warren ville was glad to help her restore the building. Some people worked on carpentry other helped with pained or what ever else needed to be done. It took the volunteer crew a year to fix up the building and have it ready for the first students.
The building was an old red brick building with four floors. First and second floor classroom areas and third and forth floor dormitories. The insides wall were painted white the cheapest pain Laura could find and the dormitory furniture was sparse but, the girl would bring things from home to make it more like home. It was a handsome building for an all girls school.
Classes stated on June 20, 1930. Yes, early for a university but, Mrs Me could not wait to start teaching college students. The first classes were small as Me university offered only a small number of courses at first. As word spread about Me the all girls school women from all over the country began to steam in looking to attend. Gradually the school offered more courses and more building until it was one of the largest all women universities not only in the United states but, the world.
I once thought of attending the university but, it was to far a way from home thought I wanted to mover far away from home that would have made me happy and I would not let that happen in my life not even then. So I picked a university closer to home which made me more miserable.
Yes, Me university was prestigious, why they wanted me to lecture on how to be more miserable to their students I have no idea. I suppose everyone was to happy and the administration saw a need. I don't know. Anyway I would be lecturing there in 1 hour but, I might end up being late because of all the traffic. Evidently there is something called the 4th of July tonight. I don't know what that is since I never celebrate special occasions as that might bring on undue happiness. And if word got out that someone saw me happy my career would be over. I might as well move to the desert and plant trees.
I could see the university ground in the distance. Then I took a look at my cheap watch and saw that I might make the lecture on time after all. I am now getting out of the car and slamming the door. Without so much a thank yo to the driver I rush inside and see thousand of young women eagerly awaiting my arrival. A big cheer when up when I am sighted. Why would they cheer the queen of miserable. Beats me.
The longIntegers pulled up to computer city's only beach. The had to go through the toll booth to pay to get into the beach's paved parking lot. The toll cost $20 which was a lot of money but, worth it since the next nearest beach was 100 miles to the south.
The computer city beach was man made since the city was landlocked. It had been designed and built by a friend of Sid longIntegers father Ted Patrick in the 1950's.
It was decided by computer city's city council that if the city had a beach tourism would boom. So a plot of land was purchased and Ted design firm and building contracted to build the beach. A design was submitted to the council a month later in June 1953 and approved in October of that same year. The was heated debate with the nascent environmental movement because the environmentalists thought that the land should not be tampered with to make a beach. It will destroy habitat for birds and animals. After several heated council meeting and name calling the plan was narrowly approved and construction was slated to begin in May 1954.
Construction got off to a rocky start with a dump truck broke down on the first day of construction. Excavation took until January 1955. A huge lake was dug with sand on sides. It was not a traditional beech. It got the job done nonetheless. Sand was trucked in from out of state and a pipe line was run from the city aquifer to supply water for the artificial lake. Palm trees up and down the sand dunes along with other vegetation.
Construction was completed on January 28, 1956 and a lake filling party was planned for the next day. Any one who wanted to could attend. The day was cloudy with partial sun. The mayor Frank winch had the control to start the flow of water. A countdown of 3, 2, 1 hooray and then Frank turned the lever and wanter began to flow into the lake. The lake filled in about 24 hours so people filled in and out to watch it fill and get free food. It was a magical sight to see the water rushing into the lake. It was a day no one would forget.
The beach opened for business in February 1, 1956. The first weeks admission was free. After that admission was to be $5 dollars a hefty some in 1950's dollars. Sid remembered the story that sam told of the day that the lake was filled. Sam said that he took Sid to the event and even had the pictures to proved it but, Sid was to young to remember anything which saddened him. Sid had been to computer city's beach many many times over the years. In fact practically living at the beach as a teenager. He loved to surf during his teen years and spent all day during the summer surfing at the beach with his surfing buddies.
And now her Sid was back at the beach with his little family. It made his eyes tear up. He could not wait to teach Bud how to surf someday. He wanted to pass on his love of the ocean to his son so that his son would cherish and protect the earths water ways. Sid pulled his car up to the planet rocket into the parking space and felt a sudden feeling of sadness.
"Hello reading I am Yvette swans and I will be your narrator throughout this books since it my autobiography it might as well be my voice leading you through my life. I got up early; 6:30am to be exact, and I hate getting up early because it makes me miserable so it was the perfect time to awaken. I combed my hair and ate my breakfast of plain quick oats oatmeal; which I dislike by the way. And stumbled to the door and yelled to my limo driver to start the car and turn the heater on full blast which will waste full but, so what you only live once as far as I am aware of. So after my driver opened the door and I got in he waked around to the drivers door and opened it and got in the car and stomped his foot to the floor because we were late. 10 minutes late to be precise.
We arrived to the airport on time after narrowly avoiding a speeding ticket. I ran to the gates and showed my pass which allowed me a pass from the security guards since I had already been cleared. So I ran up the stairs and hooped on the plain. I had an isle seat next to a mother and her screaming baby and thought to myself this will make me miserable and be the perfect thing to get me in the mood for my lecture.
Unfortunately I desired to get a cat nap in but, could not so I ordered my self a drink, then another, then another until I had ordered 6 drinks and now I had a crushing headache to go along wit my need to get some sleep and a screaming baby right next to me. Oh, was I miserable. Finally I was able to doze off for a five minute cat nap just as the plane was arriving at its layover. I like to travel straight through. So that is why I decided to get a flight with a layover.Snobbery city was my least favorite city on earth. The residents were such snobs the refused to talk to anyone who made less than 200,000 dollars a year. Naturally I only made 150,000 dollars a year. I wanted to by a T-shirt as a token to remember my least favorite city by but, the cost well over $200, so that was out. So I was stuck having to wait 2 hours with noting to do in a city I detested, I would not have it any other way. I walked back to the plane since I could not get a taxi, it was 90 degrees out, I was miserable walking in that heat. Back on the plane soaked with sweat the air conditioner had broken down which made the heat on the plane unbearable.
Finally we took off and that baby was screaming again and so was my head I needed some sleep but, would get no sleep until I checked into my motel that night. We landed a half hour late. And the driver that was to pick me out was no where to be found. I called the university where I was to lecture but, the had no answer as to where the limo drive who pick me up was located. The could not reach her on her cell phone so I wandered aimlessly around the airport until I saw a woman in a chafferers livery sitting on a bench answering the crossword puzzle in the back of the morning paper. "Whats a word for pain in your foot" she said. And I said " you were supposed to meed me 30 minutes ago". And she said "That too many words that will not fit" "I don't care about your crossword puzzle, take me to the university right away".
She reluctantly put down her crossword puzzle and showed me to the limo, then drove me to the university.
Sid back the 1995 planet rocket. And Bud, Harriet 3 and, Harriet piled into the back seat and front seats of the car. The day was clear and sunny with a slight breeze perfect beech weather.
The planet rocket was a car manufactured by the rocket car company of computer city. The company was founded in 1904 by Celia rocket a widow with 4 children who had no income or education when her husband died suddenly of a heart attack in 1903. In an era when women did not work outside the home it was unusual for a woman to found a car computer but, found a car company she did.She bought some land with her husbands insurance money and hired some designers to design the first rocket car. It was called the Celia, after Celia rocket of course. She had the plans shipped to a manufacturer outside computer city she had contracted to build 24 Celia's. It took the manufacturing company 2 weeks to build the requested cars. Quick in 1904 terms. She had the cars shipped back to computer city by rail and truck and put the Celia's on her plot of land with a little shack for the dealership building.
She had her land bulldozed in anticipation of the cars arrival so now it was perfectly flat an read for the rocket cars. She put the Celia's on sail for 2,000 dollars a lot of money by 1904 standards.
The cars were pure luxury. The Celia's were 12 feet long with running boards and an electric starter, leather bench seats, head lamps, with a gold plated steering wheel. The car came in 2 colors red, and pink. Pink being Celia rocket favorite color and red bing her late husbands favorite color. With the hight price and an unknown brad of car it took a few weeks to sell the first Celia to a woman named Iris Hicks.
Iris had 2 children and she wanted to have her butler drive them to school but, her old care was not big enough to fit 2 children so when she saw an add in the computer city world for a new car called the Celia rocked she decided to go have a look and see it the car was for her. She arrive just a Celia was about to close up the dealership for the day but, Celia agreed to stay open longer for Iris. The moment Iris saw the Celia in person she knew she had to own that car no matter what the cost. "Celia I want to take that car home with me today. Can you make that happen. "Sure, I will make that happen" Celia said. Barely containing a smile.
So the 2 women went into the dealership office to draw up and sign contracts and with in the hour Iris was that the wheel of her brand new Celia rocket, with a smile on her face. She waved to Celia as she pulled the car onto the dirt road leading back to her mansion in computer city. And that is the story of how the first rocket car was sold.
Rocket car took 3 years to rocket into the public consciousness but, once it did the cars sold well. Celia rocket was a able to pass on the business to her children and her children passed it on to their children.
The longInteger's were long time customers of the Rocket car company. Sid and Harriet bought there car new a week after the model it the show room floor. And now they were using it to drive to a relaxing day on the beach.
Beeep beep beeep was the loud noise that awoke Bud, It was the sound of the smoke detector going off. Sid rushed into buds room waking him up and getting him outside. Bud was wearing his computerman P.J.'s. It was Harriet's job to awaken Harriet 3. Now with both kids safe it and the fire department called his parents could relax. They looked for signs of fire but, could see sign of flames.
The fire department had arrived and rushed into the house but could find no fire. It was determined by the fire department to be a faulty smoke detector. The smoke detector was hooked into the electrical and also had a battery in case the power went out. It had been installed when the house was built the same year bud was born, in other words nearing the end of is useful life.
Sid and Harriet were glad it was only a faulty smoke detector and thanked the fire chief for the departments quick response in the middle of the night. After the firemen left still shaking from fear the family went into the house. Unable to sleep Harriet asked the children if they wanted to watch a movie. The children bleary eyed said yes and a movie was put into the movie player a star movie player.
Star had gotten into the movie player business the year before in 1998. It was it first foray into the consumer movie player market. They had only one model the star movie player which was blue and silver. It was a thing of beauty it looked great and worked like a dream. Despite being out for only a few month's star had sold 200,000 across the united and more were slated to be sold when they went international in November. Star was poised to do big business and Cynthia file was happy as could be like a proud parent watching her child go off to school.
The movie the longIntegers watched was called attack of the cotton candy. The plot is that a group of people try to set a world record for the biggest cotton candy ball. The cotton candy became so big that it developed a mind of its own and it was an evil mind at that. At first the cotton candy looked like a good guy but, quickly turned bad. It crawled into the street causing cars to swerve and nearly crash into the railing. The authorities try various means to stop the rampaging cotton candy ball. The tried foam from fire trucks, fire from flame throwers, talking reasonable to the menace but, none it could stop the cotton candy. As a last resort before the whole town was destroyed a little poodle was brought in after it was learned that the cotton candy loved animals and would not heart dogs. The poodle worked and brought the cotton candy under control.
The cotton candy was docile for the moment but, could never be trusted so was loaded on to a space ship and flown to a distant planet never to bother the citizens of candy city again. For saving the inhabitants of candy city the poodle was given a statue and given the best dog food to eat for the rest of her life. "Mommy what a happy ending" Harriet 3 said. "Yes, I know dear" Harriet said. By now it was getting light out side but, the children would not be going to school after their harrowing night. The family would all be going for a relaxing day at the beach. And one thing bud liked was the warm sunny computer city beach from with its restaurants and wild life. A fun day was in store.
Julia Thompson brought the class to attention. Please get into a single file line and come over to the table in the corner of the room. The table that has the textbooks on it. On the veneered green table were textbooks for the children's classes. There were reading, writing, math, but computer lab text books were to be handed out in Cynthia files computer lab class. The books were heavy and filled with information. Unlike kids who tried their best not to read the school textbooks Bud enjoyed reading them and he could not wait to open his textbook and become immersed in the world of information that was waiting for him. It was a joy to read them.
Unlike most elementary schools in the era of budget cuts computer city elementary still provided the textbooks free of charge thats to a funding drive which consisted of a bake sale and yard sale. The sales brought in enough money to buy new textbooks and allow for the purchase of new state of the art star computer for the computer lab. Much to the delight of the parents of the elementary school students.
After the students had picked up their textbooks and Julia had written down the numbers in the textbook that each student had received so that she would be certain that each student gave back the exact textbook that that student received she had the children sit down at their desks.
Next she handed a stack of book covers to each student in the front row of desks and instructed the to pass them back. The covers had star computers logo on them and were provided free of charge courtesy of Cynthia file and star computer.
The text book now clad in the star computer logo the bell rang and it was time for the start to the first period class. Each school period lasted 45 minutes except the morning break which lasted 15 minutes and lunch which lasted 55 minutes.
The day went like this for the first grad class. First period reading. Second period writing. Third period math. Morning break. Fourth period computer lab. The came the 55 minutes of lunch. After the lunch break came more computer lab. 6 period Study hall and seventh period P.E. It was a small class so everyone had the same classes at the same time. Buds favorite class was of course computer lab even though he had a love hate relationship with his computer as of late it was a hate relationship. Though if the past were any indicator of the future that phase would not last long.
That first day of first grade was a day of nervousness for Bud. He always got butterfly's when the new school year arrived worrying if his old friends still liked him and if he would like his new teacher. He also worried if he would be able to handle the new course load. Or would he fail and be the laughing stock of computer city elementary. Needless to the worst never happened to bud in his whole school career. He was always a great student when he applied himself. That first day of school passed quickly for bud with all the excitement and when he came home he was exhausted and bursting with stories to share with his parents about that day at school. When he went to bed he fell fast asleep and slept soundly until a sound awoke him in the middle of the night.
"Do you know where my least favorite evening dress is Tank" Yvette said.
"I don't care were it its and get it yourself, what am I your maid." Tank swans said.
We meet are heroine packing for her world tour. She is a distinguished author and lecturer. She is going on a word tour to help promote her new book: Queen of Miserable her autobiography. It details her meteoric rise to fame in only 3 years she rose from miserable house wife to the world foremost expert on how to make yourself miserable. Its her 2nd book.
Her fist book written last year is called 3 steps to a more miserable you: A book for people who have always wanted to be miserable but, don't have the time. It detailed her fool proof 3 step plant to make any one miserable. The book was a huge success in a word tired of books about how to be happy. A hit in a world tired of worrying about being happy. As a matter of fact a world tired of being happy. Happiness had taken over the world and people wanted something different. They wanted a change. And along came Yvette with her book at the right time and right place.
She decided not to go on a book tour for the 3 steps for a more miserable you as she like being around people. After the book was out for a month or two people recognized her on the street and she detested fame and she began to become miserable around people. Yes, Yvette was not miserable all the time. Which is a revelation she desperately pubic as it would have been scandalized. Yvette had said she was miserable all the time. She would have been out of a job and back to a being a house wife which would not have bothered her because she was miserable as a house wife. She disliked being an author more so she want to spend the rest of her life writing books.
She finally got her suitcase pack and got ready for bed to get up for an early morning. She was to leave for the airport at 6:30am.
I thought about what are my talents, what kind of expertise could I share with the world. I came up wit idea that my expertise was in the area of being miserable. Then I came up with the idea to write some blog posts about how to be miserable: The 10 steps to a more miserable you, How to get a job you'll hate, How to find the significant other that will make you feel miserable. Then I came up with the idea to start another novel.
I will write a page a day until its finished. The novel will follow the travels of Yvette swans on her travels around the world lecturing about how to be miserable. She is 45 years old and married to the only man in the world who makers her unbelievably miserable. She has 2 children who attend college. She was a stay at home more before she became a world renowned expert on how to be miserable. She is a fascinating woman as we will learn.
The idea of creating a character who was a lecturer on how to be miserable made me laugh because I think that most people want to learn how to be happy and I thought it was silly to have some one teach people how to be miserable. I hope I can figure out enough to write about Yvette swans for a year or more.
I will call my novel the queen of Miserable by Yvette Swans.
"What else can I tell you about myself. My favorite color is Blue Green, I have a sister named Harriet 3; whoops I already mentioned that. I have flown to the moon as the youngest spaceship captain in the history of planet earth. That is not technically true. I was a space ship pilot but, I had to use my hope drive video game console to become one. I am a huge fan of the video game Spaceship pilot. Its been my favorite video game since I to it for my birthday. Once I went on a spaceship pilot marathon and I beat the game in 7 hours. 7 hours of playing the game straight though does not sound interesting. Yes, it was the most exciting 7 hours of my young life. I was in the zone. Saving stranded spaceship crews and delivering the cargo to the moon to save earth. Its a great feeling to save earth from the rising cost of metal even though its in a video game. Some people might think video games are a waste of time or they are not enjoyable but, I am here to tell you different.
Sorry for talking about myself so much, I normally don't like to talk about myself. Ok, that's not true. I think I am the most interesting person in the word so why would people not want to listen to my life and my opinions.
And now for my opinions. If you will permit me more time Mrs. Samantha Thompson. If you don't I will go on talking anyway, you can't keep me quiet once I get going. I believe that blue and green should not be worn together which makes it strange that my favorite color is blue green, I know. I believe that television is best viewed with pop corn and a soft drink in hand, that music should never be listened to lest you miss out on the sounds of nature. I just love the sounds that birds make and the sound of the wind blowing. I do enjoy listen to nature sounds CD's. I believe that there has not been a great sports game played since 1975 which is why I always watch the classic sports channel since that station only shows old games. Some more of my opinions are: Chesses and crackers to not got together, 6+ hours of television watching is the only way to live, programming is the greatest computer hobby, computers are overpriced, sorry Cynthia but, I have to tell the truth I can never lie very well, I am so transparent.
That about does it for my autobiography. Want to thank my dad Sid and my mother Harriet for allowing me to be here today. Without you I would never have achieved anything in life, heck without you I would not be alive. I want to thank my sister Harriet 3 for being a pain. And I want to thank my imaginary dog for being so loyal and always willing to play a game of fetch in the back yard; without you my legendary fastball would be not so legendary. And finally I want to thank my gold fish for always being there when I needed someone to talk to. Without your counsel Mr. Gold fish I would have made a lot more mistakes in my life than the ones I have made. And now I want to turn over the mike to you Mrs Thompson. Thank you for your filibuster Bud. Now I members of the senate can we have a vote in the bill please. Excuse me, excuse me first graders I lost my train of thought. Where was I. And then Mrs. Thompson called roll until ever students name had been called and story told. Now with all the students more familiar with each other the real work of school was to begin.
When Bud's name was called he jumped up in anticipation of what was to come. He yelled"here". "Tell us about yourself" Samantha said. Bud was wearing his best. He had on his light and dark gray plaid pants, blue green T-shirt, his head saved because of premature hair loss left him with a bald spot on the top of his head. He start off his speech with a smile on his face.
My father Sid is from computer city and my mother Harriet is from wafer island; a rather prominent family from wafer island I might add. I was born and raised in computer city. I have one sister who's name is Harriet 3. I am five years old.
Now on to the interesting aspects of myself. I enjoy computer programming. I have a star 220 computer that I use for programming. My favorite programming language is Disco which I leaned about this summer at software computer camp. About software computer camp I was the star programmer. Mr. Teletype said I was the best programmer he had seen in years.Though if you ask him he will act confused and say he never said any such thing. He will also say who is Bud longInteger anyway. I assure he made that best computer programme comment. I never lie.I have traveled the world with the computer city philharmonic, without being able to play an instrument. Simply amazing. Don't you think?. I have climbed mount computer city, without leaving the foot of the mountain. And just lied to you about the last to items I talked about. Are not I exciting.
Back to my programming hobby. I have designed and coded several games including: Computer city rocket ball. I created the game myself. It looks and has most of the same rules of baseball except that instead of people its played by 9 robots per side. The one big difference is the baseball. Instead of being like a baseball it is a rocket. What is a rocket ball you ask? Its a super fast ball very tightly wound so that it can reach 200 miles per hour when thrown by the robot pitcher. The robots are different heights but are built to look human though they have can run fast and jump high so it is very hard for the batter to get a hit so the scores are always low. Which although it does not sound like it might be so, it makes for an interesting game. Granted the game was not a big seller primarily because I never attempted to sell Rocketball. Though I am sure if I tried to sell the game I would be a millionaire and take a limo to the first grade. Its that good a game.
The last game I will tell you about is called Dune buggy experience. There are 2 different games withing the game. The first game is a pure dune buggy racing game. You play a generic female character who job it is to complete 9 racing courses. The courses range from road to sand dunes. When she completes all the courses she rescues the princess from the land of sand.
The second game is a traditional action game. You play the role of Tabatha Banks. She has to defeat the evil alliance that is trying to destroy the earth. The came involves a lot of dune buggy driving because she has to go around the globe to defeat the enemy. The second game is packed with excitement.
I spend about 5 to 6 hours a day designing and writing computer games. So its second nature to me now. I hope to become a professional programmer someday and work for the space agency
After all the students parents had left the elementary school parking lot. Julia Thompson had her students take their desks by alphabetical by first in order starting with A and moving row by row to z. Then she did roll call. And just like Tommy Teletype did at software camp, when Julia called the name of each child she asked him or her to tell the class a little bit about themselves. For the outgoing kids this was an easy assignment but, for the shy kids like Bud's friend Samantha Willis it was an embarrassing and cheek reddening affair.
When Samantha's name was called and she said here she dreaded the next question. "So Samantha tell us a little about yourself.
"Yes, Mrs Thompson" Samantha said.
"Well fellow classmates I am from a foreign country. Its called Barter an its located in the Reward sea. Its a country where no paper money is exchanged for goods. An interesting fact is that paper money was outlawed in the 1800's. So it was a big culture shock to this country where paper money is common and used everyday though things are traded without money. Paper money is prevalent. In Barter my father was a blacksmith who traded his wares for food, family necessities. It was a good living. My mother was a home maker who was a dressmaker who gave the wedding dresses away for whatever the birds family had to trade. It was an idyllic life. My parents wanted to give capitalism a try so we moved to this country last year which was 1996 for all of you who don't remember.
The after the initial burst of outgoing her Samantha's face turned red and she stumbled over her words and started to look at the ground as her words struggled to speak.Though she had surprised herself with how easy the first part of her speech was.So she regained her confidence
It was difficult for my parents to get money to come to this country since money was outlawed in Barter. So they decided to give all our possessions away. The kept family pictures and clothes but, everything else they gave away. Though the law against paper money was routinely violated by my fellow countrymen my father was a law abiding man and refused to break the law no matter how ridiculous he may have believed it to be. So after giving away all are possessions by father put me in a wagon and we walked to the border of Barter. The country bordering Barter was called Honk Honk a ridiculous name for a serious country. In honk honk my father got a job as a sales clerk in a department store.
Working at the store he made enough money for a plane ticket to computer city. Since computer city let citizens of Barter easily immigrate to the city believing that the law against money unjust.
After a year in Honk Honk we flew to computer city and moved into an apartment in the downtown area. After the year in honk honk money was old hat.While in honk honk my mother became pregnant and a few months after we got her she had my sister Nancy. Now I am here. Thank you Mrs Thompson for allow me to share my story with the class". Samantha was surprised at how easy she was able to make her speech. She was now smiling in her pink floral print dress with her black hair in a bun. She took her seat amid applause from the other students.
"Thank you for your amazing story Samantha" Julia said. Julia was excited to hear the stores of her students. She keep going until she to to Bud's name. Bud was very excited to share the story of his life with his fellow classmates.
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