I got up to my hotel room and you know what happened I forgot what the gadding of mars wanted me to lecture the about so I decided to think of a topic I wanted to talk about and write my speech/lecture on that. So I decided to lecture on how to make your plants downright miserable.
That was a subject I was well skilled in since a house plant never made it out alive. The longest a house plant lived in my house was 3 days. I suppose the felt my misery and that was it for them the no longer had the will to live.
After preparing my speech I ran down stars to the ball room where I would be presenting my lecture. Good evening ladies I hope you are all doing well. I will now present my lecture. The proper way to make your plants miserable and why. Firs you must create the wrong I mean right environment. No sunlight for the plants if the get sunlight they will be happy or depress because they can not go outside. So spare them the happiness and install blinds. Next you need to yell and scream at your plants for any indiscretion such as wanting to be watered or reaching their leaves for the minuscule sunlight you have allowed them. They must never be allowed to be happy under any circumstances.
A happy plant is a plant that you will have forever a miserable plant you will have for a week. With tat spectacular speech I was given a round of applause as I should have been. I know was on my game that day. Wow, when I am good I am good. Next it was question time,
A woman named Ettie asked if I had ever grown house plants?
Yes Ettie I have grown houseplants, next question
Tonya asked "Do you like plants"? I don't like anything. Next question.
squeak asked Do you own any animals? "No I don't own any animals if I owned an animal I might become a happy person because I like animals. I also have a rule that I don't want to own that could make me happy and so that is why I don't own animals. Next question.
Do you have any hobbies? "No I don't have any hobbies except making Tank Swans life miserable. I question everything he does which makes him miserable. I put him down which makes him miserable. I yell at him which makes him miserable. I suppose I do have a hobby. No, wait I don't. I only have time for one more question so make it a good question.
Wilma asked if I had ever been to a mountain resort? No, I had not been to a mountain resort. Though someday I hope to go because getting out in nature makes me miserable.
Well, thanks for inviting me to lecture you and good luck to you all in making your plants miserable. Now I was off to my next destination.
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