Queen Of Miserable, Page 29

So a watching movies I went. I fell asleep half way thought the movie and had a dream that Tank was knocking on my door and screaming my name and saying that if I did not come home with him he would drag me back home. Drag me into the car and force me to go back home. I was a terrifying dream.

When I woke up I was glad the it was only a dream. And I was also glad that I had left Tank sure he made me miserable but, there were other special men that would make me miserable.

As I was watching the movie I realised that I needed a lecture or a speaking engagement to be able to make some money. So I vowed to start making calls in the morning to some people I knew to see if the knew anyone who needed a speaker who was an expert on how to be miserable. I was unsure with the week or two off that I would be able to get into my speaking routine or that I wanted to be a speaker on how to be miserable.

Sure I was miserable almost all of the time but, after leaving Tank I took stalk of what mattered and did not matter in my life and I did not want to spend the rest of my life on the road. I wanted to find a man and raise a family or if I did not find a man I wanted to adopt children and have a family. I was getting older and another nature was telling me it was now or never. And I was beginning to think that it would be never the luck that I had in my life and the fact that a lot of men like to find a women who likes to be happy and not a women who wants to be miserable all of the time.

If I did not have a family sure I would live but, I would be disappointed and lose a big dream in my life ever since I was a little girl. From the time that I liked to be happy I had kept the dream of wanted to raise a family as one thing in life I like were children. Children were on of the things that I have a wanted in my life as they made me happy and that was ok.

Thinking about all this I started to cry. What if I had waited to long an could not have children. What if the children I had did not like me or they turned out to be bad people. It thought to myself now you are great girl because I was miserable and as you know by now I like to be miserable and I like to make myself miserable. It ok to be miserable. I should make a t-shirt out of that.